What Would The Duggars Do?

As I sat and tried to peacefully enjoy my dinner one night last week, I came to a realization. I was tired. I was mentally and physically exhausted from working and getting up at the crack of dawn to get children off to school. Oh, the woes of being an Upper East Side mom.

My poor husband had cooked dinner by the time I got home and was eating his pasta with heavy eyelids. Remember....he keeps my two youngest while I am at work a few days a week and he does this after working night-shift at his job. It was a beautiful dinner.....until all hell broke loose!

The baby started crying, so I ate the last 3 quarters of my meal with one hand while the other arm rocked the fussy infant. Then the 3-year-old started sniveling about how he didn't like something that just the night before he LOVED. Then the oldest 2 children started speaking and shouting at each other in a way that disgusted me. I started to question what kind of parent I was that my kids spoke to each other worse than they would their most hated enemy. I had to get drastic.

For anyone that knows me, or has even read my posts a few times, you would know that I am no stranger to reality TV, and the Duggars are one of my top picks. I think I began watching their shows on TLC before they had 15 kids! While my spawn were shouting nasty names to each other and rolling eyes and making faces across the table, I sat back quietly(for once)and thought to myself, "What would the Duggars do?".

Episodes were running through my mind and I couldn't think of one where they had to discipline any of their children. I couldn't think of one when the kids were even fighting, like in the show mine were putting on. Then I thought about reasons why they don't fight as much or need as much discipline or correction. Couldn't figure it out. I did, however, notice differences between what they took as acceptable and what I do. HUGE differences.

Most of our children these days watch a fair amount of TV and/or spend time on the internet. Most of them have hand-held game systems and a WII. While many of our families are staying "connected", theirs is staying connected to each other. They play with toys that we had when we were younger. They use their imaginations, and they entertain each other. They don't seem to aggravated or lose their patience with each other. Shoot, I lose my patience hourly. Maybe I need a coffee date with Michelle. Maybe my husband and I should go on a double date with her and Jim Bob. Rumor has it that with all those kids and a house that size, they are also debt-free!

I decided in that moment that I would make my children appreciate what they have. I immediately confiscated all electronics. They were grounded from them for a few days. I knew it was the right choice when my son cried and sobbed and tried to explain how "important" his PSP was to him. It was pretty humorous, but sad at the same time.

I remembered another episode and thing the Duggars did, and I put that into action too. I called my mom in CT(where we would be spending the holiday) and asked her to find a place for my children to volunteer for the holidays. On Thanksgiving morning, they woke up and headed to the church/shelter in the area and spent a few hours. While they were there, they folded clothes to put together for families in need and packed up little goody bags for them. They separated socks into bags for girls, boys, men, and women. Even the 3-year-old squeezed the air out of Ziplocs and sealed them up. They learned where all of these things were going to and why. They came home with their name-tags and were proud of the experience.

They still fought all weekend. I can't say that the little things I did worked, but the simple idea of it all is what I hope they begin to get. I explained that in the Duggar family there are so many people in it but you never see them frustrated so easily, or hateful, or selfish, or greedy, or disrespectful. It made them look at themselves a little differently. It made me look at myself differently! Maybe it'll sink in to them sometime soon. Hopefully.

I read somewhere that when asked how they discipline their children, the Duggars answered with something like "speak softly" and only positive reinforcement. That takes a ton of patience I don't have! I envy those two.

Now this all does not mean that I want to go out and have 20 kids. It doesn't mean that I want to name my children with names that start with the same letter. It doesn't mean that my daughter and I will only wear skirts here on out. And it doesn't mean that I think anyone else should follow in the Duggar's footsteps. This just means that I think you should take a look at how a family of THAT size and proportion gets along so well. We may learn something. Sometimes as parents, especially in New York City, we tend to be so defensive and proud when it comes to raising children. We always think we know what's right and wrong, and we tend to always have an opinion of what someone else should be doing. We should all be a little more open to learning from each other. What a difference it would make.

Now, as for the "speak softly" part....how the hell will they ever hear me if I did THAT????